Developments In The Life Of Jessie, Live @ 4:00pm

It's been almost 2 weeks and I'm pleased to report my life has been drama free. No jealous, insecure stankmouth lurking in the shadows trying to cause bumps in the road of my travels. I know the smartest thing to do would be to proceed with caution but this time only comes around once or twice a year so I'm going to enjoy every second of it. On to more important matters..... I just had the greatest weekend ever. We had all of the kids here. Chris's 3 from previous relationships (well one relationship and one brief encounter) and my beautiful 3. Between the heart to hearts, the family game night, the dinners together, and the bonding between siblings I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. I really enjoyed watching them play together and building the relationships that will last a lifetime. Thank you God for all the blessings you've brought into my life. With the arrival of my 3 blessings also came about 40 extra pounds so as of four days ago I began a 1,500 calorie diet regimen with a daily exercise routine of no less than 20 minutes a day. I'm keeping a food journal containing every bite and drink that enters my mouth and add up the totals before bed to insure I'm aware of my nutrition intake and that I haven't exceeded the recommended amounts. I've never got this technical on the whole diet thing so we'll see how it goes from here. My sweet Alyssa goes tomorrow for an E.E.G. brain scan. The purpose is to look for new damage caused by seizure activity. If there are no new developments then the next step will be weaning her off the phenobarbital medication. I know things will go fine but it's always a little unnerving when they administer these sort of tests.  Well it's snack time and motherly duties call. Spongebob babysat while I got in a little writing and for that I thank him :) Have a great and safe Labor Day to all!!

Keeping Me Balanced

I'm pretty new at this but quite frankly it's cheaper than a psychiatrist so "venting" will be the game and "blogging" will be the name. So let me begin  by saying I have 3 beautiful children... Alyssa 3, Aidan 2, and Juiliana 4mos. My oldest has cerebral palsy and epilepsy and it can be more than heartbreaking at times. They tell you not to loose faith that she'll become a productive member of society but I wish I could live under that sugar coated pretense. I struggle daily for a balance I can live with. Am I doing enough with my children educationally and fundamentally? Am I doing everything I can for my daughter and her medical condition? Am I being foolish by believing that postponing college until my children are in school is the best decision I could have made? Am I giving enough of myself to my husband? Many nights I've laid awake with these things bouncing from brain wall to brain wall and ultimately never finding answers. Sometimes I feel like I'm giving so much of myself to those I love that there's nothing left of myself for, well.... me. I don't know who I am anymore. Well that's not entirely true.... I'm their mother and his wife. I have a lot of work ahead of me I know to find that place in life where I belong, not a place where I've settled. Don't get me wrong. I love being "Mommy" and love my Christopher more than words could ever say but I love myself too and quite frankly I miss myself.